The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
