I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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