Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
