And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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