dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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