Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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