i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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