so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We talked him into tasing himself.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Every concussion has its silver lining
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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