Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
