is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
