he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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