i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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