hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
