I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
