Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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