New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
