if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
