can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
