Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
