THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
