I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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