Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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