how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
