I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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