she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
sex in a hospital.. check
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
