Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
