Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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