We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
