I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
