it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my liver is dry heaving
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
