were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
