what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Houston, we have a blender
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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