I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize