How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
