listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
