he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize