I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
