i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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