I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
