What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
