Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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