I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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