Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
