I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
