Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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