Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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