I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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