worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
