She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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