Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this boner is exhausting
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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