I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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