on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
they need to just BURY HIM!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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