Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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