just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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