I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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