I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is wine microwaveable?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
