i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
