we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
