i just google imaged poop.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
