She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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