Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
