so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
