Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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