we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
