they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
