idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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