I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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