Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
