1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
