Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
