so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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